Oh good god. Well, first of all I’ll start with the first of two apologies. Last week I put up an article calling for cinemas to do more to help fight the growing problem of people who feel they have the right to talk and text in the theatre. This week, I’m back to complain about something else. Something I’ve been hoping for some time would just go away and leave us all alone after everyone had tired of it – but it isn’t.

I’ll admit, the piece I did about these… how shall I refer to them… ‘fucknuggets’, caused a great deal of interest and debate. I’d like to think the reason for this is my fantastic writing and that you all wait with baited breath upon my next maggot of movie truth like open-mouthed birds desperately pining for their mother’s return, but I know that’s not the case. The truth is, it’s something most of you feel very passionate about – and quite rightly so. But the last thing I’d want you to think is that I’m tapping on what is clearly another ‘hot button’ in order to pick up some more hits for the site, which I promise you, I’m not. So in the interests of full disclosure, this is something I just need to get this off my chest – and this is the place where I do that. So here goes.

Today I woke up full of piss and vinegar, bright and early, because I knew I was off to catch the early screening of Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance. This is not my second apology. I’m a total fanboy for Neveldine/Taylor and always enjoy watching Nic Cage, particularly when he’s cranking the Cage-o-meter up to 11. The problem is, when I rocked up (and I did ‘rock’ up) to the concessions counter at my local Cineworld with my Unlimited card in hand (if you have one of these you can pick up tickets there), I was told that the 10:40 first screening I’d chosen, primarily to limit the potential for fucknuggetry, was a 3D screening.

And it’s here I have to say sorry again. If you were one of the people selecting treats from the pick n’ mix with your little ones ahead of the 10:50 showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, I had no excuse for the particularly loud expletive that passed from my lips. I may have forgotten, just for one second, that I was in a public place at a time of day at which it is most frequented by families. Luckily, I quickly gained my composure, apologised to the very understanding girl behind the counter and figured it would be fine… I could grab a coffee and wait for the next 2D screening, right? Well, of course not. Otherwise what would be the point of this article? I was told the movie was only screening in 3D and, of course, this means I’d have to stump up a couple of extra quid for the pleasure of seeing it in this format and being able to go home and add another cool set of Real 3D glasses to my collection.

I’ve since checked and this isn’t just the case at Cineworld Didsbury, most of the other major chains in my area don’t appear to have a normal print of this film. The 23-screen flagship Odeon in the Printworks? Nope. The 16-screen AMC at The Great Northern? Sorry. So, where would I have to go to see Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence in 2D? Well, according to Flixster the nearest place to me is Wigan – about 20 miles away. Now, I know at this point some of you (most likely our Editor in Chief Jordan McGrath for one), will say “hey stop moaning, you’re lucky enough to live in a city that gets all the major releases as well as all of the limited ones” and you’d be right to. The problem is, 3D isn’t the norm, its an addition that, from what I can tell, most people are bored with. I have literally never, ever heard anyone say ‘I love 3D movies’ or ‘I wish all movies were in 3D’ and if you people are out there (first of all, go fuck yourselves you know nothing about movies and don’t belong here) I’d be interested to hear what it is that I’m missing here?

Plenty of people have moaned about how 3D is a bit rubbish and the post-conversion process does little to improve the cinematic experience. I don’t see any point in weighing in too heavily on this debate as plenty has already been said. But what I will say is this. I don’t want to live in a world where 3D is the norm, even if it is for what some people would say is a disposable movie like Ghost Rider 2. I can honestly say, that once the wonderfully rendered three-dimensional Columbia logo had disappeared, there wasn’t one point in the whole of the feature where the 3D was even that noticeable. So what did I pay extra for? This gimmick – and that is all it is – needs to be kept to one screen per theatre where those who want to can pay to see the film of that week being shown in that way. This will allow the rest of us the choice to see our films the way they are meant to be seen… without sunglasses.

So there we go, I’ve exorcised my demon of the the week and promise I’ll try harder next time to post something a little more cheerful and a little less whingey. If you must have me leave you with a positive, it would have to be that for the first time in months, today I watched a film with a theatrical audience who managed to keep quiet for the whole thing. I suppose that much I can be thankful for… for now.