Girl is lonely, can’t find a man, runs into guy who she immediately hates, through some crazy hijinx she ends up being stuck with him, they fall in love, but then…… an unlikely coincidence happens where she’s hurt by his actions, he chases her unsuccessfully, she finds out was all a mistake and he’s innocent, they kiss. CUT. PRINT. DONE.

Being that I’m male and love a good film, Romcoms are my worst enemy. Having to suffer through one makes me feel that precious hours of my life are ticking away and I could be doing something more important….. like watching paint dry. Honestly, they offend me that much. Their sickly saccharine nature, using the same formula over and over and over and over…….and over……. it begs the question: Why do they seem to do so well when they’re all unbelievably predictable? How is it that people can flock to see the same thing with a new skin? Not even a hint of originality.

To be fair, a woman would probably look at a man’s love of trashy, so-bad-its-good films as a waste of life and that would be fine. I can understand that point of view. There’s only so much that some of us can take, male and female. But females tend to think it’s a great night if she can go out with her man and watch a romantic movie together. She probably doesn’t realise that the guy she’s with is more than likely wanting to commit hari-kiri using the douchebag in front’s phone whilst being confronted by J-Lo’s latest abortion. My wife and I have had this arguement many times. The old “we always watch what you want to watch and not what I want to watch” line. There is a difference though. My Wife isn’t made to come to the cinema with me when seeing the latest blockbuster, I can quite easily go by myself if I have to. There will never be a time when I watch a RomCom in the cinema and get all gooey cuddly because of it. My mood goes the other way, and I can’t help it.

I’m not saying that it’s impossible for any RomCom to be good, there are always exceptions to the rule ala “The Wedding Singer” or “There’s Something About Mary” and the like, with the funny to romantic ratio tipping more in favour of the funny side. I still don’t think they are that great but if the level of quality of RomComs was up to their level, I’d certainly view more than I do now…… which is none. I’m done.

Let’s break it down:

Girl is lonely, can’t find a man – Yeah, right…. a woman who looks like J-Lo or Jennifer Aniston can’t find a man. Bollocks.

Runs into guy who she immediately hates - Of course, they have to hate each other for basically ridiculous trivial reasons that make no sense whatsoever. Just like in real life!

Through some crazy hijinx she ends up being stuck with him - Yes, that old chestnut.

They fall in love - absolutely, as everyone I’ve ever been with I’ve hated at first. Pfffff!

But then…… an unlikely coincidence happens where she’s hurt by his actions - Oh Noes! She thought he did this bad thing but he didn’t! I hope he can get to her in time!!!

He chases her unsuccessfully - Damn, he just missed her! Don’t give up!

She finds out was all a mistake and he’s innocent - oh thank god! I was worried that the truth would NEVER surface.

They kiss - pass me a bucket please.

Is it too much to ask for a little originality? I do believe that if characters were presented in a much more realistic light as opposed to these unrealistic characatures of people, many more men would be on board. A believable plot wouldn’t go astray either. It’s not that I don’t have a romantic bone in my body (I can hear my Wife’s voice already “yeah right!”) I don’t hate on the romantic bits in good drama’s. I can get “gooey” over some films, but they never fall in the RomCom genre. Maybe romance and comedy should never be married up in film. I could quite easily go without it.

Ladies, light those flamethrowers and post a heated comment if you strongly disagree. I can take it. I do realise that I am taking a rather selfish stance in my refusal to have my mind doped up from extreme mediocrity by trudging my way through a Julia Roberts film, but you know what?……

I. Don’t. Care.